Wednesday, 14 March 2018

When The Waves Come


A sun drenched day, full of promise
The morning coffee and a warm lap from a furry friend
Your favourite dress and new boots that have just worn in 
A good hair day and when that eye flick is just right
You smile, you chat, you laugh 
The makings of a good day

But then the wave comes…

A punch in the chest followed by a hand gripping at your throat
A feeling of spiralling out of control
The world is not safe anymore, and you will never see it's beauty again
An overwhelming sensation of deep depression and sheer panic.

You breathe deeply, clutching at your chest, your hands trembling and eyes filling up.

Then….. you are out of sight of that place that holds the memory
You slowly start to calm, your pulse gradually dropping
You remind yourself that you have made it this far
That the world still has some beauty and there is plenty left to see and explore
That you can do this, and it's ok to move forwards.

These are the waves. Unexpected moments that pull you from your seat and throw you into the darkness. Be it a few seconds, a few minutes, hours or days.  
They come and go, ebb and flow, and always take you by surprise. 
This is how it feels when the waves come. 

Even though time has passed, the tears don't come everyday and you are back to work…..doesn't mean that you are back to 'normal'. This is a new normal that you have to adjust to. A new life trying to build around a gapping hole that has been left in your heart. The roots are there, but the branches have to re-build, and it takes time. 

The waves I don't think will ever leave me, you just need to try to be prepared, ready to take the hit when the next one comes, and then move forwards again.

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